How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
