I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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