Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
im six kinds of drunk right now
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
