Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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