Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
