I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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