we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
