If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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