i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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