I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
