youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
