We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
two words...techno handjob
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
