so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
