Will you blow on my dice?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
