What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
