I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize