sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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