i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
