We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
