did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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