Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
