In America we eat man semen.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize