I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You ever have a fart follow you around?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
