this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
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I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
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If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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