Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
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I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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