I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
