I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
