Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
