return my video game
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out