summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't turn off my feet"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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