Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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