I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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