He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
