Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize