My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i want to swaddle you in tequila
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
