So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
