my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
