just come out here and I will go home with you...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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