we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
