i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
