I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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