finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so let's talk penis.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize