i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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