it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
