What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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