New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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