yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
