I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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