so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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