Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i came on her dog
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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