my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Randomize
