i will never coherently bang her
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
