***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
