All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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