it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Did I show you my penis last night?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
