do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
