I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
