In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
