I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
