So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
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