maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
