Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
